Thursday, July 22, 2010

How to: make sure nobody wants to read your blog

Nine steps to success!

1. Never ever capitalise the letter 'I'. Especially when you use it several times in a sentance. ("i went down to the shops and i found this awesome nail polish, i just had to have it!")

2. Never use spellcheck. Spell "definitely" as "defiantly".

3. Use lots of exclamation marks!!! That way people know you're enthusiasting about blogging!!! CAPITALS ARE GOOD TOO!!!

4. Whenever you comment on anybody else's blog, make sure you ask them to check out yours. I mean, how else are you going to get readers? By waiting for them to click on your name, which automatically becomes a hyperlink to your blog when you comment on other people's? Pshaw.

5. Leave rude/spam comments attached to your posts. It's sooo silly to delete them. If you leave them up, it makes it look like you totally aren't bothered. I mean, it's not like it gives off the impression that you never read your comments...

6. Use lots of chatspeak. Lol, it's the internet, everybody shortens things all the time, it's the in thing atm. Btw, using numbers is a little over the top, but it's up 2 u, cos u might be writign inahury! xD

7. All good blogs are written in America, so you don't need to clarify shop names, or state names at all. People in the U.K, Australia and other countries where they speak American all have the internet, but none of them blog, lol!!!!

8. Different coloured fonts make your blog stand out. Especially neon ones - and don't be fooled, a black background isn't necessary for using bright colours!

9. Don't categorise posts. Labels are so limiting. Think outside the box and leave ALL your posts uncategorised!

Readers and fellow bloggers, did I miss anything? Share your blogging pet peeves in the comments!!!!! :P


  1. I read this over the phone to Never Too Busy and we both enjoyed it greatly. :-)

  2. Hehe I do number nine. Didn't realise it was such a huge problem.

    (Oh and were you being ironic when you spelled sentence with an a?)

    I love your blog Jade, and you're a cool chick, you make me laugh.

  3. Number nine isn't bad unless said blogger has a buttload of posts and you're searching for some specific subject.

    My blood is rich in irony ;)

    Thanks Elimy :) your blog is really inspiring to me. It's the blog of the serious writer I'd like to be. My blog is... the ramblings of an ADD wannabe-writer!

  4. LOL I hope I dont do any of these D:

  5. Oh and another one you should add: run-on sentences.

    Because there's nothing quite like reading a sentence that's like a stream of consciousness only it's written in all seriousness by a blogger who doesnt seem to understand that punctuation exists for a reason and that they should use it but no apparently paragraphs that just consist of one big ass sentence aren't tiring to read AT ALL right?

    I've read shit like this from bloggers who I assumed were 16, and I found out later they're in their mid-twenties at the very least. *sigh*

  6. Haha I haven't noticed you doing any of them. Also, YES, run-on sentances should be added to the list.

  7. Haha, I can't use spellcheck! I speak portuguese and my host is configured so if I spellcheck, it'll check for words in portuguese... x.x
    It's horrible, 'cause I barely had english classes and most of my few readers are american x.x'
    And the label thing! Ah!!! I sometimes forget to label my posts!

    Still, laughed a lot with this one. First time I came across your blog. I'm enjoying it a lot! ^^

  8. Hi Cacau!

    There are actually online spell checkers which you can configure to any language. That might be an alternative if you're concerned about your English spelling :)

    I'm glad you enjoyed the post!


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